Triggering Pattern – Your infinity Loop

    If triggered you might like to take 20 mins to self regulate/calm, then each fill in first section, about yourself. Only afterwards make guesses for your partner in the next section. Then you might like to come together – taking uninterrupted turns to share what you’ve written.

    What's going on in YOU?

    1. The story I tell myself (only a story!)

    Please know that your ‘story’ and your partners ‘story’ makes sense - based on personality and background - but each ‘story’ is usually inaccurate.

    What I usually do in an argument (my reaction)
    (eg withdraw/stonewall/fight/defend/blame/criticise)

    2.How I FEEL inside … (use list)

    (hard AND softer feelings eg fragile)

    3. What I'm actually NEEDING

    What do you think is going on in THEM?

    1. The story they might tell themselves? (only a story!)

    Please know that your ‘story’ and your partners ‘story’ makes sense - based on personality and background - but each ‘story’ is usually inaccurate.

    What they usually do in an argument (their reaction)
    (eg withdraw/stonewall/fight/defend/blame/criticise)

    2.How might they be FEELING inside … (use list)

    (hard AND softer feelings eg fragile)

    3. What might they be NEEDING?

    Finally ...

    4. What do I want?

    Is there something I would like/love/want that I could suggest??? (a request ... not a demand!)

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