Five Personality Developmental Pathway
Hardwiring : Cognitive intelligence – seek security – introverted – avoid feeling fear by relying on facts and avoiding emotions
Life Strategy : Logical, knowledgeable, practical, non-emotional/Detached Strategy
Beliefs :
The world can be intrusive. I have limited time and energy I must protect – so I am independent, self-sufficient, private. FEAR: emotional intrusions and own emotions (as emotions often don’t seem logical)
Habit of attention :
Detached observation – accumulates knowledge, analyses how things work and protects privacy as people can be emotionally draining, drawn to logical, intelligent people
Self identity
logical, analytical, reserved, knowledgeable, rational, avoid emotions – my own and others, factually correct
“I would characterize myself as a quiet, analytical person who needs more time on my own than most people do. I am logical and rational and like time to think. I usually prefer to observe what is going on rather than be involved in the middle of it. I don’t like people to place too many demands on me or to expect me to know and report what I’m feeling. I’m able to get in touch with my feelings better when alone rather than in the face of others, and I often enjoy experiences I’ve had more when reliving them than when going through them. I’m almost never bored when on own, because I have an active mental life. It is important for me to protect my time and energy and, hence, to live a simple, uncomplicated life and be as self-sufficient as possible. I like to get along with others and can be supportive. I don’t like/feel comfortable around emotional people. My attention doesn’t go to how I come across to others, nor my presentation. I care about factual information (as emotions are unpredictable and often aren’t logical) and don’t like small talk. Im a bit like the ‘scientist in the lab’, and tend to be logical and can ‘detach’ from emotions. I may have less eye contact as I’m in my head thinking and focus on information rather than connection. Although I do still need to connect but tend to do it through sharing joint activities that feel ‘emotionally safe’ rather than sharing my feelings. I’m strategic and tend to be introverted. When relaxed I can be more engaging and use humour. I minimize my needs, and don’t like people to have many needs of me”
PDP Needs Triggers Strategies to meet Needs
| PDP 5 | Thinking time, autonomy, independence, others to respect my space & knowledge | not able to escape emotional demands, failing to maintain privacy, own feelings that confuse, no time to think, can’t understand a situation/another, especially others emotions which aren’t logical, if intruded upon. (belief : I don’t have enough to give others) other people expecting more from them, ‘needing’ them, | To not overly engage in social situations, must be private andself sufficient, avoiding emotional situations, can befrugal with their time, emotion and energy with others, accumulating information, curious about factual things,limiting desires and needs,not feeling or sharing emotions, |
When your 5 Strategies don’t work….
Avarice – increasing fear of being flooded and demanded upon, holding back, withdrawing from reality into concepts and my mind – become more private, less giving with others, more retreated, cool – can become lonely and emotionally unavailable impacting on their relationships they actually care about, but struggle to feel it or show care, Distancing from others through excessive boundaries. This can significantly undermine relationships.
Blindspots of the Five PDP: Intellectual superiority & feelings
People with the Five PDP spend much of their time thinking about and analyzing life – more observing of life, then actually engaging in it. Sitting quietly on the outer at family and friends gatherings for example. They often experience feelings outside of the situation that triggered it, later, in the privacy of their own space. Partners or others can feel like its hard to reach the 5’s heart, because they seem to be lacking emotion – yet they need to understand they are so logical because they are scared by feelings – seeing emotions as unpredictable and irrational – and they don’t have a lot of experience for dealing with them, just avoiding them. But the avoiding creates the very conflict and emotionality in others they are trying to avoid.
Consequently, Fives can think that other people are too emotional and not rational enough, and in the extreme, not as smart – which can present like intellectual arrogance. Their coolness (holding back), having a range of emotions and softer feelings may be a blindspot.
Growth
The sharing of their heart – identifying and sharing feelings and needs. (Then others wont need to unintentionally invade the 5 person’s space to try and ‘connect’ with them). Being able to hear and validate other feelings – not just give perspective and practical information. What might you be missing by not having an ongoing connection to your feelings??
Opening yourself up to feelings of sadness, anger and anxiety. Intimacy is increased by sharing of ones feelings and heart. Time and energy into relationships as well as into work/knowledge/expertise. Becoming aware of the human needs you have (besides independence,‘space’) ie support, connection, and getting in touch with these needs of yours AND trying to understand and care equally about your partners needs for closeness and connection.
Reflection exercise
Reflect on the above information – when do these 5 beliefs help you in life, when do they help your partner? When do they not help you, or not help your partner? Could they potentially cause conflict? How true are they really?
Reflect on where your 5 attention goes (facts, data)? ….and consider then where your attention might not go?
What situations most trigger you? How are your needs and triggers similar or different to your partners?
Can you think of times you’ve used these 5 ‘strategies’ listed above and did they work? When did they not work?
Attempt to fill in your PDP Map, putting in just the information that it is true for you
Then compare the differences between your PDP Map and your partners – knowing each is an equally valid way to be in the world……and makes complete sense.