One Personality Developmental Pathway
Hardwiring : Leading with instinctual intelligence, supressing anger
Life Strategy : Correcting/Perfecting Strategy to feel a sense of control and avoid anger
Beliefs : People should be good, moral and fair – I must be upright, correct error, have strong morals & principles, be above reproach. FEAR: error they cant correct/imperfection.
Habit of attention : responsible behaviour – own and others, correcting injustice, following the rules and bringing things to order. Noticing and correcting error, self criticism, judging right and wrong
I am a responsible and moral person. I have high internal standards for correctness, and I live up to those standards and expect others to do so too. It’s easy for me to see what’s wrong/incorrect and see how they could be improved. I may come across to some people as overly critical or demanding perfection, but it’s hard for me to ignore or accept things that are not done the right way. I pride myself on the fact that I’m responsible for doing something, you can be sure I’ll do it right. I sometimes have feelings of resentment when people don’t try to do things properly or when people act irresponsibly or unfairly, although I usually try not to show it to them openly. For me, it is usually work before pleasure, and I suppress my desires as necessary to get the work done. I have a strong inner critic and use the word ‘should’ quite a lot. I am detail oriented and precise. I behave in a way that is ‘above reproach’ – to avoid criticism by being perfect/correct in what I do. I tend to be upright, have good posture, tend to be more serious, and feel the weight of responsibility. I like to have a sense of control and order, and tend to be a little more introverted then extroverted.
PDP Needs Triggers Strategies to meet Needs
others to affirm standards
|being criticised, being wrong or at fault, not ‘good’, imperfect||I am around error that cannot be corrected, others being irresponsible, not ordered, doing things the ‘wrong way’,overwhelmed by responsibility, being criticised (especiallywhen I do everything to be above reproach)||to be correct, responsible, organized, follow the rules, high standards, precision, notice behaviour they judge as not appropriate, correct other’s behaviour or other’s errors, detail oriented|
When Strategies don’t work
Anger builds which you try to contain – increasing resentment and self righteous anger at other peoples lack of responsibility or their ‘wrong’ ways of doing things. More self judgement.
Blindspots of the One PDP: : Criticism / Own positive qualities / Grey zone
Criticism – People with the One PDP feel a huge sense of responsibility to make things right in the world. There is so much imperfection to correct. Their over focus on making things ‘right’, fix the ‘obvious’ flaws and errors – to feel a sense of control in the world – can come across to others as judging and criticism (which is often not their intent). Others can feel ‘not good enough/flawed ‘or controlled because they are being told there is one right way to do something (which limits the others choices/autonomy for how to do things). People with the One PDP feel that they are only trying to do the ‘right thing’ and are often surprised/hurt when others perceive their comments as criticism.
Another blind spot is often their own positive accomplishments and qualities,– due to focusing on what’s ‘not right or correct enough with themselves (and others) – people with the One PDP can overly focus on what they perceive is their own inadequacy (due to such high unreachable standards) – therefore can expereince a loud inner critic.
Recognising that between Black and white is grey. And accepting others standards/ ways of doing things as valid and good enough. Not projecting own standards as THE standards other should have. Being more self-compassionate, and more tolerant/accepting of others. Virtue is acceptance….acceptance of how things and people are, whilst still having personal standards, self-respect and personal boundaries.
Reflect on the above information – when do these beliefs help you in life, when do they help your partner? When do they not help you, or not help your partner? Could they potentially cause conflict? How true are they really?
Reflect on where your attention goes? ….and consider then where your attention might not go?
What situations most trigger you? How are your needs and triggers similar or different to your partners?
Can you think of times you’ve used these ‘strategies’ above and did they work? When did they not work?
What is each COST to using each strategy (for eg future thinking – not in the present)
Attempt to fill in your PDP Map, putting in just the information that it is true for you
Then compare the differences between your PDP Map and your partners – knowing each is an equally valid way to be in the world……and makes complete sense.